


Per Aspera Ad Astra

by BlueHedgehog16



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-03-18 13:58:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13683096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueHedgehog16/pseuds/BlueHedgehog16
Summary: Ellie Ganiford has the best job in the universe, in her opinion. A nurse, in space. Shame there's gravity on the Discovery, though. Zero-g would be cool. Plus there's plenty of hot men. Especially the capt- let's stop there, Ellie. Too far.She's not sure whether it's a blessing or a curse that she has to spend at least five days, alone, with the captain. The hallucinating captain. Who appears to be human after all - he's got a sense of humour and everything.AU discovery with OFC main character.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My only exposure to Trek is DSC and a couple seasons of TNG, so I will get many things wrong. I am also in no way even medically inclined, so yes, there will be made up medical shit, like a person who has been bitten becoming contagious.
> 
> Also - this Lorca is prime. He is not some mirror lunatic. He is a man who hides his many problems and needs help. However, the mirror may make an appearance...and he's gonna be a fucked up dude. 
> 
> Have fun.

"There is nothing fucking wrong with me"

The loud voice of the captain echoed through the med-bay. I poked my head round the corner. Lorca was sitting on a bed, anger written on his face as he glared at doctor Culber.  
" I'm sorry, captain, but I need to check. The crewmembers with you said that you were attacked by a strange creature on your way back" It certainly looked like it. His uniform jacket was torn and blood stained the shoulder

Lorca let out a frustrated sigh. "As soon as this is over, I'm going back to the bridge"  
Culber frowned but wisely said nothing to contradict him. "I'm going to need you to take off your jacket. I need to see your shoulder"  
At that I decided to get back to my work, instead of creeping on my captain. 

There was quiet for a minute before  
"Nurse Ganiford, can you be spared for a minute?". Culber sounded slightly shocked. I dashed through the doorway, glad to be away from my repetetive work. Lorca was still sitting on the bed, in a black sleeveless undershirt. Culber was looking worried. " I was wondering if you had ever seen something like this before?" He asked, pointing to the captains' shoulder. 

It was covered in a multitude of red, weeping puncture marks, at least ten, clustered close together. Each was about three millimetres in diameter.  
"Shit" I said, then " sorry! It's just I know exactly what this is. It's not going to be good". I picked up my padd and brought up an image. It was of a raccoon - shaped animal, with a long, thin tail with a wide arrowhead on the end. A Quadatud, native to the planet Lorca had just been on. I zoomed in on the tail. The pad at the end was flat and covered in spikes. I handed the padd to Culber. 

"Is there any more information on this?" He asked. There was only the name, approximate size, and the way it killed it's victims - by slapping them with it's tail. The spikes secreted some kind of poison which, after entering the bloodstream of another animal, paralyzed and then killed the unfortunate creature in minutes.

"It's incredibly rare. Only a handful of people have seen one. Luckily it's poison cannot kill a human, especially one such as the captain" I said.  
"How did you know what the marks were from?" Culber asked.  
"I was hit by one, when I was thirteen. A group of men had captured it and were parading it around. It turns out that they can snap metal bars with a squeeze of it's tail. I was the one it went for. The weakest looking, probably. The symptoms are different in everybody, but mostly they will spend at least 4 days hallucinating. The poison takes about four hours to properly kick in - that's why the captain looks fine now. However, there is a small chance that he could become contagious to others after four hours - I would hazard a guess to say I am the only immune person on this ship" I said.  
Culber looked over at Lorca. He was glaring at us. "Are you going to tell me what's actually wrong? Or just whisper and look worried" he snapped. Culber sighed.  
" So, do you think he really needs to be in med-bay? Would it be better for him to stay in his rooms with a doctor. I have other patients to treat, you know." 

I thought for a minute. " There's no treatment to give him. Absolutely nothing to alleviate the pain he's going to feel. He's just going to be very loud and disruptive to other patients in here during his hallucinations. I think being in his rooms would be better." I replied.  
Culber gave me an appraising look. "Alright then, you'll have to be the one to stay with him. Seeing as you've been through it yourself." 

Just as I was about to strongly object to being stuck with a hallucinating captain for at least five days, said captain decided he'd had enough.  
" Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me, or I'm going back to the bridge" he said, having walked up behind me and Culber. Suddenly he stumbled slightly, and grabbed the doctor for support. Culber half-smiled at me and said " go pack a bag. I'll fill him in. Go straight to his quarters once you're ready"

After packing a bag with spare uniform, toiletries, and nightwear, I navigated my way to Lorcas' quarters. Doctor Culber greeted me at the doorway. "He's still insisting that he's, fine, despite not being able to walk properly anymore. Transport both of you to med-bay if anything goes wrong, ok? Good luck, Nurse Ganiford" He walked off down the corridor back to his patients.

I walked into the dimly lit room ahead of me. Lorca was sitting on the couch, once again glaring at me. " If you think I'm going to just sit here and be babied, then you are wrong. I don't need a doctor. I'll be working, whether you like it or not, because I am perfectly fi-". His speech was interrupted by his sudden dash for the bathroom. I hesitantly followed the sounds of throwing up to a small bathroom, where the oh-so-tough captain was miserably slumped by the toilet bowl. He straightened up when I came in, and looked as if he was just about to speak before he was violently sick again. When it finally abated, I handed him a cup of water and a cloth. 

He tried to stand up, and nearly smacked his head on the bathroom cabinet as he fell over. I only just caught him. Well, you could say caught, but I didn't realize just how heavy the man was. I managed to get his arm round my shoulders and we stumbled to his bed. Through his uniform I could feel that he was burning up. 

"You're going to need to take your uniform off while you can still stand" I said. He half grimaced, half smirked. "Asking me to undress already, nurse? Bit soon, in my opinion. I don't even know your first name". His words were slightly slurred. I sighed. "You'll want to soon, sir. You're going to get very hot"  
"M'already hot" he smirked slightly, before ruining the effect by nearly falling over again. I finally managed to get him to sit down and take of his uniform jacket and boots. "Are you wearing something under these, captain?" I pointed to his trousers. " Trust me, you won't want to be wearing this much in a little while. Do you want to change into something else?" He nodded and I turned round. 

After what sounded like him turning his wardrobe inside out, and smashing into various things a few times, I heard him flop onto the bed. He was wearing loose black boxers and a non-ripped undershirt. I forced myself not to stare at the outline of his chest, and went to get a jug of water and a glass. When I got back, he was breathing heavily and had gone quite pale. " Who're you?" He mumbled. "Kat?"  
"Um...no, I'm Nurse Ganiford, sir" I said, worriedly. He opened one eye. "Oh...yeah. And don't call me sir. S'not my name. Call me Gabriel"  
"Um...ok, sir" i replied. He opened the other eye and tried a glare. "Sorry, sir I mean...Gabriel". He made a sound between a sigh and a laugh. Then he fell asleep.

I knew it would only be a short while before he was muttering to people who weren't there and wondering where he was, so I decided to brush my teeth and change now.  
He stayed remarkably silent until nine-thirty, when he began to toss and turn in his bed. I walked over. The muscles in his arms were tensed, covered in a layer of sweat. He suddenly threw his duvet off and sat up, staring behind me. "Look out, kat! It's right there!"  
I whipped round. Nothing there but the lit dimly lit room. I wondered who 'Kat' was. A girlfriend? A sister? When I turned back, he was slumped on the pillow, panting. I decided to take off his shirt, a more difficult endeavour than imagined, in more ways than one. The damp material stuck to his skin, and his occasional jerks and twitches made me jump. I also had to not stare. There was a scattering of dark hairs above his waistband, trailing up to his navel, and thicker hair on his chest. I stopped myself. He was the captain - I couldn't think about him like that. think about him like that.


	2. II

After calling me 'Kat' a few more times, and trying to escape from his rooms insisting I was a Klingon trying to steal his ship, Lorca fell asleep again. I tried to get comfortable on the sofa, but it was just slightly too hard. Eventually, I drifted off, after twisting and turning on the remarkably uncomfortable cushions. 

I was woken by muttering, steadily getting louder. I rushed over to Lorca. He was glistening with sweat, the sheets under him damp. He was mumbling something indistinct. I leaned forward to try and hear what it was. Then his hands were at my throat, and I was pushed up against the wall. 

My back slammed into the edge of the window, making me gasp in pain. Lorcas' eyes were mad, filed with anger and sadness. I helplessly kicked his shins and tried to pry his hands off my throat, but my god was he strong.

I  desperately dug my nails into his arms. It did nothing, of course. Suddenly, a memory flashed across my mind, one I had tried to bury years ago. Large, rough hands round my neck, vicious whispers in my ear, a sense of helplessness and terror... as I started to hear a sound like taps turned on full in my head, the pressure on my windpipe vanished. 

I would've crumpled to the floor, but a pair of overly warm arms caught me. " I'm so, so sorry" I heard his voice as his face drifted into view. " I'm sorry, I'm sorry". I was gasping, slowly regaining my bodily functions. Lorca had his face buried in my hair, and he was whispering ' I'm sorry' over and over again. 

He pulled away and looked at my neck. His thumbs grazed the area where I knew there would be red marks. "Quite alright" I managed. " I tried to kill my younger brother with a fork when I got stung. My older brother nearly knocked me out".

But at the word 'kill' Lorcas' face went blank. I suddenly found myself dropped unceremoniously to the floor. He was standing, staring out of the window. I felt a chill creep over me at the words coming from his mouth, the hate in his voice. The hate for himself. "You tried to kill her, Gabriel." He was whispering, "Just like you killed your crew. Blew them up, didn't you, Gabriel, and now they're dead. You'll kill everyone you care about, you heartless monster. They're dead. That means gone forever, Gabriel." . The tone of his voice changed and he turned to face me. " I killed them, just like I tried to kill you. I'm sorry I killed them. Please, I'm sorry." The look of hopelessness on his face made a jolt of sadness run through me. " Help me, please, I'm sorry" 

Before I knew what I was doing, my arms were around his fever-hot form.  
"It's ok, Gabriel, it's going to be ok". We stayed like that for at least three minutes, and I began to feel rather self-conscious. Then I felt him shaking, and heard the sniffling sounds from above my head. This man, this tough, calloused captain, who moments ago had tried to strangle me, was crying. I tightened my arms around him. 

He'd fallen asleep again almost as soon as if got him into bed. I felt shaken. Would he have really killed me? Hopefully I would never know. I wondered briefly about calling for Doctor Culber and noping the fuck out of here, but one look at the dark figure on the bed and I decided against it. 

Somehow I fell back asleep, and was woken by a call on my padd. It was Doctor Culber. I answered and his tired face appeared on screen. "Is everything ok, nurse? How is our captain"  
"He's fine, well... Definitely hallucinating. Thought I was a Klingon. Keeps calling me Kat" I decided not to mention the strangling, self hate and crying episode. 

Culber questioned me about the symptoms for a few minutes longer, then ended the call. A quiet voice shocked me out of my thoughts. "Would you mind getting me a drink?" said Lorca, sounding remarkably lucid. I poured him a glass of water and handed it over. "Thanks" he said. Then his eyes narrowed as he stared at my neck. " Did I do that?" He asked hesitantly.  
"Um...no, no...I just...um...slept weirdly...". I nearly laughed at the weakness of my excuse. Slept weirdly? Really?  
Luckily he didn't seem bothered anymore. His eyes were fixed on a point above my shoulder.  
"Don't hurt her. Don't, please. Hurt me, torture me, kill me, but please don't hurt her"  
Once again, I spun round, expecting a madman right behind me. Nothing there. He must be hallucinating again. 

Within minutes, he'd fallen asleep. Just as I was about to go and get something to eat, Lorca spoke again.  
" What's your name?" He whispered.  
" Um, Eleanor Ganiford, sir. Most people call me Ellie"  
"Lovely name. Don't call me sir. Not my name. S'gabriel" he said again. 

I checked the time. It had been about 14 hours since Lorca had been stung, and I knew that  at forty-eight hours, he would start to feel unbelievable pain. The poison would reach the nerves, and his whole body would feel like it was on fire. All I would be able to do would be comfort him. Painkillers would have no effect, and even sedation would leave him in a terrible haze of pain that he couldn't break out of. 

That was still 34 hours away, and then I would still have at least two more days here. Of course, I could hand over to another doctor, but I felt a sense of responsibility. Also, all other nurses and doctors would be dealing with the fallout from the mission Lorca had been on. They had succeeded, but with many casualties. 

I had several paper books, originally belonging to my grandmother, that I had brought with me to the discovery. I had packed them in the bag that I had brought to Lorcas' quarters, expecting hours of boredom. 

I was 56 pages into my first book when I heard Lorca throwing up again. Except this time, it was all over himself. He was still in a world of dreams, however, once again muttering indecipherable sentences. 

I would have to change the bedsheets, but that would be the easy part. The hard part was going to be cleaning him. All he was wearing was a pair of boxers, and I was not taking them off. I decided I would have to rinse him off in the shower somehow. 

I managed to get his arm round my shoulders and staggered into the bathroom. The problem was, he couldn't stand by himself. I would have to hold him up, but I didn't want to soak my uniform.

I took another look at Lorca. He was nonsensical, and it seemed very unlikely he would become lucid again any time soon. And even if he did, he would forget, right? After a moment's more hesitation, I stripped down to my undershirt and pants

As I rinsed the vomit off my captain, I thought just how weird this situation was. I should probably have called for a- preferably male- doctor to take over. I tries to keep my eyes fixed on his face, as the water was making his loose boxers cling to his legs and...other things. I reached up to turn off the water when he spoke, his voice lower than normal.   
"Well, this is sexy, isn't it" I jumped so badly I slipped on the wet floor and fell over. That is, until Lorca caught me, meaning my face was about level with his waist. I felt like my face was burning up as I scrambled upright and tried to explain myself. " I'm really sorry sir, it's just you..." I realised he was no longer listening. He was slumped against the wall, mumbling again. 

I hoped with all my heart that he would not remember that.


	3. III

Three minutes after the forty-eight hour mark, Lorca started to twist and turn in his bed, tangling the covers around his legs. His face was scrunched tight with pain, but he was not making a sound. When I had been stung, I had screamed for hours until until my throat was raw and even more painful. 

I could do nothing to help him. I stayed by the bed, feeling useless. After half an hour he started making small noises of pain, hands clutching at the covers, the veins in his arms and neck standing out vividly. Suddenly he cried out, grasping at the air. I grabbed his hand. He clutched it so hard it was an effort not to snatch it away. His whole body tensed, arching off the bed as he screamed. I knew what pain he was going through, and it almost physically hurt me that I could do nothing to help. "Gabriel, it will end, I promise" I whispered.

It was hours later when I woke up. My head was resting on the edge of the bed, my hand still clutching Lorcas'. He was still and silent now. It would be another forty-eight hours at least before he would be completely lucid and able to function like normal, but the pain and serious hallucinations wouldn't return. 

When I tried to sit up, the first thing I noticed was the ache in my neck and back. I must have made some noise of discomfort because Lorca opened his eyes and looked blearily at me. "Hello, nurse" he said. " Any particular reason I'm mostly naked with you sitting over me like a guardian angel?"  
"Um...well sir, you've been suffering from the effects of a Quadatud sting for the last two and a half days...Doctor Culber thought you would be most comfortable in your rooms. I'm here because I'm one of the only people to have gone through this as well"  
Realisation spread over his face. "Ah. I remember now. And I do believe I have told you at least twice to call me by my name? It's odd, being called sir while I'm really not doing much in the way of being captain"  
I blushed again. "Sorry, Gabriel". I wondered exactly how much he remembered. Hopefully, not much. 

I was beginning to think he was completely better until he tried to stand up, smacked into a shelf, addressed the desk and said "Maybe later". I sighed. Another two days. 

I helped him to the couch, where he complained about how uncomfortable it was. Then I dug out a spare undershirt from his wardrobe and chucked it at him. "Put that on".  
"Am I distracting you, nurse? You should be used to shirtless men by now. But maybe not men as good-looking as me" he smirked. I gave him the best glare I could muster with the blush creeping up my face. 

I retrieved a bowl of soup from the replicator, and tried to hand it to Gabriel. He insisted he wasn't hungry. After five minutes, he attempted to discreetly reach for the soup without me noticing. I did.

The day was mostly uneventful. Gabriel split his time between sleeping fitfully, talking to people who  
weren't there and doing who knows what on his padd. I read some more and reported back to doctor Culber on the captain's condition. 

The next time Gabriel started muttering, he didn't immediately start talking to 'Kat'. Instead, he said my name. But the way he said it, his voice deeper, slightly strained, made a hot flush creep up my face. He said it again, and this time I could hear the desire in his voice. I scrambled up from the couch opposite Gabriel and started tidying his quarters as loudly as possible. 

After a few minutes, I listened for anything else. He was quiet. And, it seemed, awake. I awkwardly picked up the bowls from in front of Gabriel, keeping my eyes fixed on what I was doing. 

"What time is it?" I heard him say. "Um...6:45" I mumbled,glancing up at him then immediately looking back down. As I started to walk away, I felt his hand land on my shoulder and spin me round. "Did I say something? While I was asleep?"  
"Um, well...er..." I didn't quite know what to say. You didn't really just slip ' well, you were saying my name in a very sexual way' into a conversation with your captain.  
In the dim light that was the norm in Lorcas' quarters, I could see that he was... blushing? Well, fuck.  
"I'm sorry if I said anything inappropriate. Being sick is no excuse for making any member of my crew uncomfortable. I will not take offence if you call another doctor to take over" he said, and I knew that right now, he was captain Lorca, not Gabriel. "It's fine, sir. Being in the midst of uncontrollable hallucinations is most definitely a good enough excuse. Now, do you need anything more to eat or drink?" 

Lorca looked relieved, but still slightly embarrassed. " I would like something else to eat, but I can do it myself" he said, but he was holding on tightly to the arm of the couch and I knew he was still not steady on his feet. " I'll get you something, Gabriel. I am the doctor, after all" I smiled. I turned and started towards the replicator.  
"Nurse Ganiford" I stopped in my tracks. He sounded...angry? " Come back here. Now". I slowly moved towards him. I trusted him, after all, he was lucid now, but the choking episode was floating near the front of my mind. 

When he lurched forward and his hand reached for my throat, I tried to leap backwards, but his other hand grabbed my arm and held me there. I was looking towards my padd and wondering if I could kick his knee in and call someone before he recovered when he spoke, his voice softer. "From your reaction when I reached for you, I am indeed the person who made those marks on your throat. Now, we were either getting quite kinky and I don't remember, or I tried to choke you while hallucinating. I am assuming it is the latter, or you would not be scared of me"

I nodded minutely. " You should have called for another doctor and security immediately. Why didn't you?". I hesitated, only now wondering truly why I hadn't called for Culber.  
"Because...you were hallucinating. You weren't really there.I am one of only a few people who have gone through this as well. I felt I had a duty to stay". Gabriel frowned. "Ok. Now tell me the real reason why"  
I gave him a confused look. "No one would stay with someone who had just tried to kill them because they thought they had a duty. And I might have truly hurt you - you don't know what happened with my last ship, do you?" I was just opening my mouth to ask what had happened when he spoke quickly. " Nevermind. Tell me why" 

I thought for a minute. I would have to carefully formulate my answer so he didn't realize that I had a tiny little crush on him. Well... perhaps more than tiny. I looked up - somehow I had only just realised the height difference between him and I. " I know it wasn't you. You would never try to hurt me, not really - and you didn't. You stopped. Even deep in something you couldn't control, you knew what you were doing and you stopped yourself. And...afterwards, you were so...um...upset about what you had done. I couldn't leave you, probably in a holding cell, alone while I knew what you were going through"

An emotion that I couldn't quite decipher flashed across his face, before it was replaced with a more serious expression. "Well...thank you. I am very sorry if I scared you." He looked like he was about to say something else but thought better of it. "I think I'll take a shower now - I think this time, I can manage on my own" he said with a mischievous smile breaking through. 

I covered my face with my hands. "Fuck...wait, sorry! Oh no..." I felt the embarrassment rolling over me in waves. "It's fine, Ellie - I can call you that, right? I swear, it's ok". I just kind of made a sound like  a dying animal. He hesitated, then half walked, half staggered off, leaving me to my mortification. 

He'd reached the doorway of the bathroom when he turned round. "By the way, you're cute when you're embarrassed. I should do that more often". I looked up so fast I almost gave myself whiplash. He had vanished into the bathroom. 

Surely it was the sting that made him say that, right? The captain I'd seen before didn't seem inclined towards anything vaguely... well, like that. He was commanding, sometimes rude, and seemingly emotionless. And anyway, he was the captain. He couldn't say things like that. It must be a hallucination talking. 

I tried to squash the part of me that hoped otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first started this fic, I was going to make it a four/five chapter oneshot thing where we would finally get to the smut next chapter or the one after. However, I think I'm gonna make it longer. That means I'm going to add in something about Ellie's past which means it will be quite a while before there's smut (but still lots of fluff though). I just edited chapter 2 very slightly to hint at what will be revealed. Thoughts?


	4. IV

The pain crept up slowly, first a headache that he could barely feel, then an itch in his shoulder, the finally, finally erupting into the worst pain he had ever felt - and that was saying something. His head felt like someone was repeatedly bashing his skull in with a rock. His skin burned as if hundreds of blades were cutting him at once. And his shoulder...if someone stabbed serrated blades into his other shoulder and began to twist them, he would not be able to tell the difference. 

Through the haze of agony, and past his own screams, he heard a soft voice, barely audible. "Gabriel, it will end, I promise", a girl whispered, her voice twisting and spreading like mist through his mind. He couldn't quite remember who that voice belonged to, but he clung to the small, warm hand as the welcome darkness descended. 

He woke with his body aching all over, still clutching the hand. He turned his head and realised that it belonged to a young woman in a medical uniform, sitting by the side of his bed. Her head was resting on the edge of the mattress in what looked like a very uncomfortable position, and she was waking up. 

Gabriel spoke, his voice scratchy. "Hello, nurse" he said. " Any particular reason I'm mostly naked with you sitting over me like a guardian angel?" The girl looked faintly shocked and rather embarrassed.  
"Um...well sir, you've been suffering from the effects of a Quadatud sting for the last two and a half days...Doctor Culber thought you would be most comfortable in your rooms. I'm here because I'm one of the only people to have gone through this as well"  
The memories of the last day or so came flooding back. Pain and dizziness. "Ah. I remember now. And I do believe I have told you at least twice to call me by my name? It's odd, being called sir while I'm really not doing much in the way of being captain"  
She blushed. "Sorry, Gabriel"

He attempted to stand up and walk a few paces, but smacked into the desk, and heard it mumble something. "Um, maybe later" he muttered, and heard the girl sigh. 

He managed to get to the couch, and collapsed gratefully into the uncomfortable cushions. He felt very, very tired , and had just closed his eyes again when a t-shirt was unceremoniously thrown into his face.  
"Put that on". Gabriel felt like laughing, but didn't quite have the energy.  
"Am I distracting you, nurse? You should be used to shirtless men by now. But maybe not men as good-looking as me" he smirked. She blushed- she seemed to do that a lot- and unsuccessfully tried to glare at him. 

She went to fetch a bowl of something from the replicator, and tried to hand it to him. He insisted that he was fine. She gave him a 'doctor glare' but sat down and didn't press, as if she expected him to give in. Of course he wouldn't.

But the smell of the soup was making him realise just how hungry he was. After five minutes of trying to resist, he attempted to grab the bowl without her noticing. From the tiny, but triumphant smirk on her face, she had. 

Gabriel spent the afternoon answering communications on his padd and sleeping intermittently. Ellie was reading some book on the other end of the couch. She was the last thing he saw before he fell asleep. 

~~

Ellie trailed her hand over his shoulders, straddling him. Gabriel put his hands on her hips and groaned as she kissed the side of his neck. She trailed her hands down, running over the hair on his chest then his abdomen, finally resting her fingertips on the waistband of his boxers. "Ellie" was all he could manage to say. She removed her hands, and he had just opened his mouth to say something when she crashed her lips into his. 

He groaned against her mouth as she moved one hand into his hair and the other to his crotch. She separated from him and smiled mischievously, once again taking her hands away.  
"Ellie" he said again, with much more difficulty this time. His vocabulary seemed to have shrunk dramatically.

For some reason he could suddenly hear clattering and quick footsteps, then Ellie was gone and he was slumped under a blanket on a really  uncomfortable sofa. 

Fuck. He had been dreaming about a member of his crew who he barely knew, and from the speed of her exit it appeared he had said something. Where the hell had that dream come from? He'd only seen the girl for two days, and most of that time he was asleep or crazy. She was so much younger than him, too - he remembered her file - only 24 years old, and she looked younger. And even though his mind was yelling no, his body was not listening. 

He hastily sat up and pulled the blanket over his lap - Ellie was coming back. She had gone red again, and wouldn't look him in the eye as she picked up the bowls. 

"What time is it?" He asked "Um...6:45" she said, very quietly. She quickly glanced up at him then immediately back down, then started to walk away.  He couldn't just leave this - it would kill him. Gabriel placed a hand on her shoulder and turned her round. . "Did I say something? While I was asleep?" he asked?  
"Um, well...er..." Shit, he had. He felt a blush beginning to creep up his cheeks - he never blushed. What was wrong with him?  
"I'm sorry if I said anything inappropriate. Being sick is no excuse for making any member of my crew uncomfortable. I will not take offence if you call another doctor to take over" he said, slipping back into captain mode as if he weren't standing in a t-shirt, boxers and a blanket, barely able to stand up. He expected her to comm the CMO and ask for another doctor, but she surprised him by saying "It's fine, sir. Being in the midst of uncontrollable hallucinations is most definitely a good enough excuse. Now, do you need anything more to eat or drink?" 

Gabriel felt relieved that she was staying, but couldn't quite figure out why.  " I would like something else to eat, but I can do it myself" he said, steeling himself to let go of the back of the couch. He hoped he wouldn't embarras himself even more by falling over on his way to the replicator. " I'll get you something, Gabriel. I am the doctor, after all" Ellie smiled, and turned to go.

That was when he noticed her neck. There were red marks and a small amount of bruising, from male hands by the look of it. Quite recent, the last few days or so... Oh, hell no. Where had she been the last few days? Here. With him, and only him. Gabriel couldn't remember large chunks of the last 72 hours, only the parts where he had been lucid. And for some reason, he had a vague memory of holding Ellie and whispering 'sorry' over and over. Fuck. 

"Nurse Ganiford, come back here. Now". She stopped, and turned hesitantly.

Her flinch, and the frantic glance towards her padd when he reached for her confirmed his thoughts. . "From your reaction when I reached for you, I am indeed the person who made those marks on your throat. Now, we were either getting quite kinky and I don't remember, or I tried to choke you while hallucinating. I am assuming it is the latter, or you would not be scared of me"

She nodded minutely. " You should have called for another doctor and security immediately. Why didn't you?" He said, wondering whether he should immediately call for another doctor to keep her safe.  
"Because...you were hallucinating. You weren't really there.I am one of only a few people who have gone through this as well. I felt I had a duty to stay". Gabriel felt confused. She barely knew him, but she would stay after he tried to kill her.  "Ok. Now tell me the real reason why". She gave himself questioning look.  
"No one would stay with someone who had just tried to kill them because they thought they had a duty. And I might have truly hurt you - you don't know what happened with my last ship, do you?" She looked like she was about to ask what he meant. Most of his crew knew the Buran had been destroyed, but they didn't know how - only that he was the sole survivor. " Never mind. Tell me why" 

Ellie looked like she was considering what to say. Then she surprised him again. " I know it wasn't you. You would never try to hurt me, not really - and you didn't. You stopped. Even deep in something you couldn't control, you knew what you were doing and you stopped yourself. And...afterwards, you were so...um...upset about what you had done. I couldn't leave you, probably in a holding cell, alone while I knew what you were going through" 

Gabriel was slightly shocked. No one had properly cared about him since Kat, and as he had completely fucked that up... He noticed her slightly confused look and adopted a more serious expression.  
"Well...thank you. I am very sorry if I scared you." He  was about to add ' and thank you for actually caring' but thought better of it. "I think I'll take a shower now - I think this time, I can manage on my own" Gabriel let a smile break through at the horrified expression on her face. 

"Fuck...wait, sorry! Oh no..." She looked like she wanted to run, vanish or die on the spot. He felt slightly bad, seeing as he hadn't really minded.  In fact, the hazy memory send a flush of heat down to his groin. "It's fine, Ellie - I can call you that, right? I swear, it's ok". She made a sound like she had been violently stabbed. He hesitated for a second, then decided that he really needed to get away from her before she noticed his slightly tenuous situation. 

He wasn't quite sure what possessed him, to say it, but he did, "By the way, you're cute when you're embarrassed. I should do that more often". He ducked into the bathroom, already internally berating himself. What the fuck, Gabriel. You're old enough to be her father. And she's one of your crew. She was probably thinking he was a creepy old man, now, if she didn't already. He chanced a glance out of the doorway. 

Ellie was standing completely still, bright red, with a small smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. I had writer's block and no motivation, then my pet died on my birthday and I was demotivated again. But don't worry - chapter five is halfway through being written!


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait again, here's a fluffy chapter. 
> 
> P.s, I've come up with some more ideas! This little four chapter thing it was meant to be is gonna be a lot longer. Ooh, and mirror Lorca will be making an appearance! (Not gonna say when) 
> 
> CW: none, except a vague reference to an abusive relationship.

A/N ; I think we're gonna have to ignore the fact that I've completely messed up the layout of the captain's quarters, and pretend that there are three separate rooms - bedroom, bathroom, main area. Sorry. 

I was woken from my light sleep by a shout from Gabriel. I had fallen asleep barely half an hour ago, after reporting to medbay and taking a shower. I rushed to the side of his bed. The sheets were tangled around his legs, and he was thrashing around, making small, pained noises. I detangled his legs from the duvet, and he stopped twisting and turning. 

I didn't know what to do, even with all my medical training. Anything that would normally knock him out for 12 hours would be useless, as the venom was still in his system. Hopefully, however, this would be the last night that this happened. 

His face was tight with pain, the muscles in his arms standing out as his hands scrabbled for a grip on the mattress. "Please, no". His voice was weak and strained, and it pulled at my heart. "Stop, please, please. No...just let me die, let me die, please, no". He curled into his side , making small, pained sounds and muttering. I reached out and brushed his hair off his sweat-soaked forehead. Gabriel flinched, bringing his hands up to his face and curling his knees up. Right now, he looked broken, beaten, nothing at all like the intimidating captain that was the norm before all this. 

I gently settled onto the covers next to him, and stroked my thumb over the back of his hand. He gripped it almost painfully, reminding me of the last night. "Shh, Gabriel. I whispered. "I'm here, it's ok, you're safe". He  slowly began to breathe properly, and when he spoke I almost missed it, he was so quiet. "Ellie" was all he said, and I stayed by him for the next half hour as he calmed down. My last thought was that I should really go to sleep. 

I was woken up by the covers being pulled over me, and for a moment I forgot where I was. Then I realised that there was no weight next to me, and I had kicked the captain out of his own bed. However, just as I was about to get up and profusely apologize, the mattress dipped under Gabriel's weight and he settled down beside me. I was considering whether to let him know I was awake, but he yet again surprised me when he pulled me close to his chest and rested an arm over my waist. I really, really should get up now. This is beyond inappropriate. But the feeling of a warm body next to mine and a comfortable bed made me give in. I rested my forehead against his chest, feeling his slightly elevated heartbeat. I was asleep in minutes. 

~~

I woke, warm and comfortable. Gabriel was close to me, his deep breathing showing he was asleep. There was something pressing against my lower back - in my sleepy state, I surmised he must have his hand between us. I yawned, then stretched. It was still early, enough time for another two hours sleep before my next report to Dr Culber. 

I wriggled around , trying to make myself comfortable again. I jumped when two large hands landed on my waist. "Stop that, if you wouldn't mind" Gabriel said, his voice still sleepy and - if I could dare  admit it. - kind of sexy

. Wait, what, Ellie?! You can't think that! 

Then I realised something. Both of his hands were on my hips. So what was against my back? Fuck.

I leapt up, my face burning again. Without a word, I dashed off to the bathroom. 

Oh, god. Sorry, Gabriel. Why the fuck had I stayed in his bed? If word got out...but how would it? 

And how the hell was a I supposed to act now? I had spent a night in bed with the captain. Even though nothing properly inappropriate had happened, I should have got up and left. And come to think of it, Gabriel shouldn't have let me stay in his bed, or at least not have got back in beside me. But... technically, he couldn't be held accountable for any of his actions because of the venom still in his system, so the blame was solely on me. 

I had now been in the bathroom for a rather suspiciously long time without actually doing anything, so I decided to exit and hope Gabriel wasn't up yet so I could grab my clean uniform and change. 

Luckily, he seemed to have gone back to sleep. One of the side effects was excessive tiredness. I grabbed my uniform and quickly changed, then looked around for my boots - then I realised I had left them by the bed. I must have removed them without remembering. 

I crept as quietly as I could through the room. I had just touched my boots when he suddenly turned over onto his back, throwing the covers off in the process. His erection was very clearly visible, pressed up against his boxers. This time, the hot flush that consumed my face went a bit lower. 

  Gabriel yawned, stretched, and noticed me. There was a moment's pause, then he yanked the duvet up to his chest. He looked a mixture of embarrassed and frustrated. I was not entirely sure why I said "Good morning" so suddenly into the silence. "Morning" Gabriel replied. Then I rapidly exited the room.

As I selected breakfast, I wondered just how I could have made that any more awkward. Ok, if I'd backed out of the room it would've been weird, so at least that didn't happen.

My mind drifted as I ate. I really, really needed to stop having a crush on the captain. I could tell myself all I wanted that it was just a tiny crush, only because I was in close proximity to an almost-always-shirtless and unfortunately good looking man, but it was still wrong. It didn't help that he hadn't properly shaved in three days, and he looked pretty damn good with a beard. 

Look, more proof that I'm going crazy. Luckily, i would only have to spend about one more day with him, after which he would have to stay in his quarters and rest for a few more days. I say luckily, but I couldn't stop the small disappointed feeling. I tried to squash it down. 

Remember Scott, Ellie? You don't want a repeat of that, do you? Of course I remembered Scott - how could I ever forget someone like that. My assignment to the Discovery had been my saviour. But Gabriel wouldn't be like him He was kind, caring. But that was how Scott had first seemed. 

I heard Gabriel stumbling out of his room and into the bathroom, muttering something, which snapped me out of my thoughts. Good thing, really. I could feel my heart was beating faster than normal, and tiny flashes of memory were slipping through my mind. 

Twenty minutes later, Gabriel sat down heavily on the other side of the couch to me. "Um" I said, "Er, sorry for, you know, spending the night in your bed"

Surprisingly, he laughed slightly. "You really need to stop apologizing for things I didn't mind" 

"Oh" was all I could manage to say, my  face betraying me yet again by turning pink. Gabriel managed so save me from an awkward silence by asking when he would be able to get back to the bridge. I pulled up the data on my padd.   
"You're almost better. I'll leave tommorow morning, and you'll have to spend a few more days resting. Your body's been through a lot" 

I could have sworn he muttered something like 'hell yeah it has' but I must have been mistaken. 

"Then, you will need to take time out of your busy captain's schedule to visit the gym and do certain excercises. The venom weakens the body, and you definitely won't be doing any strenuous away missions, or any at all, for several weeks until your immune system is back up to scratch. I can get Doctor Culber to send you a list of the excercises that you will need to do"

Gabriel smiled. "Alright, then. But - speaking of the gym, after I'm 'back up to scratch', you have to let me teach you how to defend yourself. For instance, when I..." He faltered slightly" When I attacked you, there was a pressure point on my neck you could have reached, and if you'd known the right technique, you could have possibly kicked me in the chest, or broken my wrist. And before you ask why me and not someone else, it's because I like you, and I enjoy your company"

Well. That was unexpected, but not unwelcome. "Er... thank you, Gabriel" I was touched. This man had never seemed like the kind of captain to enjoy anyone's company very much, let alone a lowly nurse.

"Enough seriousness. I'm sick, I shouldn't be stressed. If it's not too 'inappropriate', Ellie, would you like to watch a holovid with me?" 

I said I would, and he patted the couch next to him. "Come over here then, so I don't feel so lonely" 

I laughed. "Is this all just a ploy to get close to me, Captain?". He chuckled. "Possibly". I sat down anyway. 

Halfway through the film, I realised how close we were sitting. My leg was pressed up against his, and his arm was resting over the back of the couch behind my head. At some point I drifted off, and woke up with my feet curled under me and my head against his shoulder. For once, I decided to stay where I was and enjoy myself. 

At one point, I looked up at Gabriel out of the corner of my eye. He was looking at me with a small smile on his face, but when he saw me looking, he quickly turned his head forward again. 

We spent the whole day curled up on the sofa. It was a lot more comfortable when there was a warm shoulder to lean on, and even Gabriel fell asleep a few times. He didn't seem to mind when I fell asleep on him again in the evening, and I felt his fingers gently stroking my hair as the whole world vanished into darkness.

I vaguely remembered being picked up and then put down on something very comfortable, and whatever it was dipping under the weight of someone else laying next to me. They then wrapped their arms round me and brought me close to their solid, warm chest, and pressed their lips against my forehead, tangling their fingers in the hair at my neck. That night, I had no nightmares. And it seemed that nor did Gabriel.


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait :( I had it one paragraph off complete but it was just gathering dust.

Once again, when I woke up and tried to get comfortable, I managed to wake Gabriel up. This time, however, there was a frustrated sigh from behind me, and he quickly got up and left. Feeling slightly like I'd done something wrong without knowing it, I reluctantly left the bed. 

That was when I realised I was only in my undershirt and pants. Gabriel, the captain, had undressed me. Ah.

It really wasn't helping my little crush that I had slept in his bed again. At least I could be thankful that he wore underwear. And really, I was meant to be the professional here, and I hadn't really done much these last few days except keep an eye on his symptoms. Technically, in matters like these, I could give him orders. Well, Dr Culber could order him to listen to me. And all I had done really was sit around.

I found the rest of my uniform, and repacked my bag. It was 7:42, eighteen minutes until I had to get to Dr Culber. No time for a shower of breakfast, but hopefully I would be allowed an hour or so before getting back to my duties. 

Gabriel came out of the bathroom, looking a lot better than he had three days ago but still quite tired. And he still had a beard. It made me a bit disappointed that I was leaving. 

Ignore that.

However, I did enjoy ordering him to take his shirt off. He was smirking slightly as he pulled it over his head, and I tried desperately to only look at the wound on his shoulder. It was mostly scabbed over, and the skin around it was a normal colour and temperature. "If I didn't know better, Ellie, I'd say you were enjoying yourself" Gabriel said, grinning slightly. My only answer was jabbing my finger hard into his shoulder. He jerked backwards, slapping my hand away with a wounded expression on his face. 

"Excuse me, that hurts. A lot. I'm your captain. You shouldn't try to inflict pain upon your captain. I should file a complaint." 

I laughed. "I was checking. I have medical excuses to poke you wherever I want" Gabriel started to say something, the beginning of a smirk forming on his face, but I pointedly rearranged my most nasty looking medical instrument in my bag, and he fell silent. 

"You don't need me to stay anymore, but you won't be back on the bridge for two days at least". He frowned slightly. I gave him a glare. "Two days, Gabriel. And make sure you sleep, and eat plenty. Don't throw yourself right back into work, or you'll find yourself in sickbay. And this time, it won't be me"

"Yes, mother" Gabriel said, smiling slightly. He tugged the black shirt on over his head, wincing as he moved his shoulder. "If you've caused any actual damage with your completely unnecessary physical abuse, then I will put the blame solely on you." He mock-glared at me. 

"Such a baby. You're fine, I'm a professional. Trust me. Now, I should probably go see Dr Culber and tell him that you aren't really as bad as people think" 

"If you dare tell anyone that I am anything but scary, I'll have you thrown off this ship for spreading lies and rumours about your superiors" Gabriel said, but he was laughing. 

"Seriously though, Ellie, thank you. For staying with a hallucinating old man when you could've left me to someone else. You helped me through these last few days and I really am grateful" 

I realised how close we were standing. I was having to tilt my head backward slightly to look at him. 

I tried to say something, but the words died on my lips as I saw the way he was looking at me. I swallowed. 

Gabriel bent his head down and lightly touched his lips to mine, but pulled away quickly. He looked faintly panicked " Ah. Ellie, I'm sorry, I really am-"

"Er...I should probably go... bye". I turned away, trying to hide the blush on my face as the door swished open to let me through. 

On the threshold, I stopped and turned around again. Gabriel was standing with a hurt expression on his face. I felt incredibly guilty, seeing as what I would like to do was run right back to him, but that was just the thing - he was the captain, and so I couldn't. However, I also couldn't just leave. I suspected that if I did, whatever existed between us would be broken.

"I'll have to take you up on the self defense lessons though. I'm normally free most evenings. Bye, Gabriel, and remember, no working". I smiled at him, and a smile broke through on his face as well, before the doors closed and I turned to walk to sickbay.

I was lost in thought as I approached the doors, but when they slid open I saw Dr Culber and Lieutenant Stamets arguing about something. I hovered uncertainly in the doorway, not really wanting to interrupt. 

I was quite surprised when Culber stepped forward and placed his hand on Lieutenant Stamets' face, silencing him. He whispered something, and Stamets said something back and leant in towards Culber, as if to kiss him. 

I shifted uncomfortably, and cleared my throat. They sprang apart, and Stamets said something else, then quickly left the room, not meeting my eyes. Doctor Culber looked slightly wistful for a moment, then smiled at me. "So how's our captain doing?" 

After I'd given him my report, he said I could have the rest of the day off, even though it felt a bit like i'd been having one long holiday these last few days." You deserve it after spending all that time with Captain Lorca" Dr Culber laughed. I giggled, and almost said something about him being very nice really, but stopped myself just in time. I wouldn't want to ruin his reputation, after all. 

When I made it to my quarters, I found my roommate and basically only friend, Jess. She was an ensign in engineering, and I barely had time to wonder why she wasn't working before she threw herself at me. "OH. MY. GOD. ELLIE. THE CAPTAIN? YOU SPENT FOUR OR WHATEVER DAYS WITH THE CAPTAIN? HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE? " 

I dropped my bag on the bed. "Jeez, Jess, are you trying to project your voice to earth or something? I would prefer not to be deafened, thank you very much" 

Then my brain finally unscrambled what she'd been saying. I shot up from where I'd been sitting. "Wait, how do you know I was with the captain? I didn't tell you before I went" 

Jess frowned. "It's quite easy to figure out, Ellie. The captain comes back from a mission bleeding everywhere, then isn't seen again for days, and neither are you. We knew he wasnt dead or something, but he wasn't in sickbay when I looked in and neither were you, and so I asked Culber where you were and he said with the captain. And now-" Jess had the decency to look faintly ashamed "-its sort of...what everyone is talking about."

"Well thanks, Jess" I said.

"It's actually not that bad. Just a bunch of insanely jealous girls. I overheard a few at lunch - it was quite funny, really". She giggled slightly. " But come on, Ellie, tell me. What was wrong with him? Did he even speak to you at all? Did you see him naked? Did you two fuck?" 

"Jeez, Jess! That escalated quickly!. And no, to your last two questions" I decided not to share the shower incident. " He'd been attacked by an animal native to the planet he was on. And yes, he did speak to me. He's not as bad as he seems" 

Jess looked faintly put out. "Ellie, seriously,  you spend four days completely alone with the hot captain and all you can say is 'he's not that bad'?. Come on. He seems to hate everyone, but somehow he managed to make you like him?"

I grinned slightly. " Gabriel is actually alright. He was very captain-y at first, but then he became more friendly" Friendly indeed, huh? You slept in his bed.

" I'll have to see it to believe it, Ellie. And it's Gabriel now, is it? He must have put something in your food. That man may be as attractive as hell, but I've never once seen him smile for anything but his plans working out", Jess said, laughing. " Anyway, if he's actually capable of being nice, then tell me about it. I want to hear everything"


End file.
